This is the Once-ler. [
He says it like it means something.] Seems like there's no complaint box anywhere, so I'm taking to whatever
this is to vent my frustration. Keep up if you can.
For starters, this room is insufficient. It's small, and my Lock & Co hat almost touches the ceiling, which is an automatic no-no when it comes to architecture of any kind. I need a suite. Presidential, honeymoon, I don't give a shit. Secondly, there is a decided lack of cigars in here, and going without tobacco for too long makes me anxious. [More anxious than he already is, anyway.] And no, cigarettes won't do. Finally, a guitar. Electric or acoustic, it doesn't matter. If I'm going be forced to relax, I might as well do so with some background music.
All together now: presidential suite, cigars, guitars. Chop chop. Don't make me ask twice.